I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I forget how to act sober
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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