i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
