East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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