im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
