I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
