I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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