In America we eat man semen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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