I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
