living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
