White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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