Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
