Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
