I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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