This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
