if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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