'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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