Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
