Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
