I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
