hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
