he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
