My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
