Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
