I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
