Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
