well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
