YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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