Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
