just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
