Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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