We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
