If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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