I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
