I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
