Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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