We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
