the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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