Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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