3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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