why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
