is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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