You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
