ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
