Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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