im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
