I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
