I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
