i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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