i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
