She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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