margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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