So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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