Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
