He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
